What A Difference A Year Makes...

The last time I had been out on the town was well over a year ago which is why I was so excited to be going out last Saturday. Every time I have gone out, I have always felt so self conscious and as much as I come out of my shell once the alcohol is flowing I used to spend the whole night tucking myself it, covering my arms up and trying my best to hold in the belly. I used to look at all the people out and think to myself how lovely they all looked and it honestly just made me feel worse about myself as no matter how much effort I put into my new outfit it didn't take away from the fact it was a size 22 and really didn't look no where near as good as it did on the size 10 mannequin in the shop window and this is no exaggeration but I was always one of the largest people in the pub! As much as I was upbeat and bubbly, it isn't until I look back now I realize how much of a front that actually all was. I was not happy with the way I looked, not even close, but it was easier to plaster on a smile than to deal with the weight and do something about it which is why I stayed overweight and unhappy for so long.

Now even though I am far from reaching my goal weight, when I went out on Saturday it was like a completely different person. Looking back now, not once did I even mention my outfit (in a negative way) when I was out, not once did I worry that my top was very figure hugging and not once did I worry about being the first person on the dance floor. I felt absolutely incredible and cannot believe how much of a different person I was. I was still me, but I was the me that no one got to see and enjoy her company because I was always to self conscious to ever let myself go and enjoy life. I took so much pleasure in being able to buy new jeans which wear super skinny and made my legs look sexy and sleek as opposed to tree trunks, new shoes which look great and didn't buckle under the not so attractive cankles and the fantastic figure enhancing top which nipped in at the waist showed off my curves and was short enough that it didn't cover my bum. It didn't need to be longer my bum is smaller, MUCH smaller so why not embrace it and show it off a little? I even saw school friends who commented and couldn't believe the transformation.

This was me last year (Hand Over Face)

This is me now!

The last time I went out I was 5 stone heavier and wore an outfit which was 3 dress sizes bigger! I know I have a long way to go on this incredible journey but I am having the most amazing time getting there and learning to love myself again.

*This post is in collaboration with New Look