Thursday, 23 October 2014

I'm Lonely.. Don't Judge Me

Loneliness affects everyone of us at some point in our lives. It has no interest in our gender, age, race.. It just hits us. It can affect us in many different ways, from lack of friendships in primary school right through to later in life, when you are faced with things like divorce and loss. Sometimes you are at your loneliest even when you are surrounded by family and friends. It's not just about being physically alone. It's a state of mind, a feeling of isolation. Feeling lonely its not something that I would openly admit before now. People that know me would paint a very different picture. I'm not what you would perceive as your "typical" lonely person. I work in a customer facing environment so I am always upbeat and chatting. Despite perceptions of your "typical" lonely person, I have great friends and family and generally do have a great life. It's not perfect does anyone really have the perfect life? But still I'm lonely..

I will be turning 30 in a few months and this has certainly made me reevaluate things in my life. Don't get me wrong, If I could go back and change things I probably wouldn't. I have a wonderful daughter and even though plans didn't work out as I had hoped I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and my past has made me who I am today and everything that has happened has led me up to where I am meant to be. I settled down very early on in life. I was both married and a mother at the age of 18. My relationship has since broken down and I have been a single mum for the best part of 6 years now. Although we both knew it was over and that there would be no chance of reconciliation, neither of us seemed to officially end the relationship and I seemed to spend the past few years in limbo. I can't help but wonder where I would be now if I had ended the relationship there and then and not wasted so many years doing nothing and not moving forward. Would I be married? Maybe have another child? I know its never to late for these things but with an 11 year old daughter I do sometimes feel like I have missed my chance.

Anyway, I seem to be derailing from the subject a bit but I wanted to make you aware of what has led me to this point in my life. I would say its only in the past few years I have made the most changes in my life. I started working after being out of work for far too long that I care to mention, I have lost a significant amount of weight (around 5 stone so far - Whoop) and finally feel like I can leave my past relationship and move forward. So why do I feel more lonely than I ever have before? It's so easy for people to pre judge me and assume I "need" a man and should just get myself out there. I am aware that a relationship is not going to just fall into my lap but being single for so long and having that one singular serious relationship behind you hardly gives you the boost you need to put yourself out there again. Then there are the others that assume I just need a quick fix. A fling to "sort me out". Now granted being single for so long means that my love life seems none existent theses past few years but it is not the be all and end all. A quickie really will not "sort me out". It is not that much of a "magic wand" 

Wouldn't it be great if there was a quick fix for loneliness? It's something that has been with me for so long it seems to be the only emotion I feel at times. Its so hard to watch other people celebrating such wonderful things like children and engagements. I know that sitting on the sidelines and watching everyone else live their lives is going to do nothing to improve mine and the only person who can get me out of this lonely funk.. is me! Lonely isn't who I am its just what I feel (at times) It doesn't define me or make me any less of a wonderful person. If something is broke, then you fix it and I am confident that things will change for the better for me.



Do you experience loneliness at times? What things have left you feeling isolated or alone? There are plenty of support networks out there. Talking your feelings through with someone can make all the difference..

13 comments:

  1. I was a very lonely child as I was so painfully shy so this post really touches my heart. I also don't have a big family (literally my mum, sister and my two daughters that are blood related). I do have a wonderful partner and I don't know where I'd be without him as my sister and my mum have their own lives to lead even though I see them every weekend. Because of the shyness I experienced at school I never made any lasting friends and the odd friend I have now I only see rarely. People don't always understand loneliness as you say and that shouldn't be the reason for you to go seeking love... Have you considered joining a group outside of work? Making more friends is the first step as hard as it sounds xx great post!xx

    Http://www.itsalwaysdarkestbeforethedawn1.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Yes I am very close to my mum and sister we all live close and are very much in each others lives, but then its just me and my daughter so its a very small but close knit family. I would love to join a group but always find it so hard to make friends as an adult

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  2. You can be lonely even in the midst of family and a loving partner. The key thing is to try and not feel lonely within yourself. It is hard thought.

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  3. I think because of your recent weight loss and new job etc you are now looking for the next positive step as a happier and more confident individual with the possibility of a relationship being that.

    Unfortunately love won't just happen but if you out yourself in situations where you can meet new people the chances are a lot higher. Have you thought about joining a gym or starting a new hobby? x

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    1. You're exactly right Em, and now I have officially put relationships behind me its like I am automatically supposed to go and fill that void with another relationship. I do look at things outside of work.. I would love to take a few classes maybe but I really struggle to put myself out there. I think I di have low self confidence even with the positive things I have achieved so find it hard to meet and make new friends.

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